None of My Best Friends Belongs to a Minority

     You frequently hear said by people wishing to appear tolerant, that "Some of my best friends are [insert name of appropriate minority]. But I don't believe them. No, I am not saying they are liars; they merely suffer from a deficit in logical expression. What they really mean to say, I suspect, is: In my daily life I deal with a lot of different people, many of whom belong to [such-and-such minority], and I get along well with them all. To illustrate my point, let me analyse the first statement.

What You Didn't Know About Books

     Have you ever wondered why most books do not start at page 1, and frequently have blank pages at the back? Are you aware that, if you add up all the pages, both printed and blank, they will nearly always come to a multiple of eight? Have you wondered why photos are not placed close to the section to which they apply? What about those mysterious numbers or letters you occasionally find at the bottom of selected pages? All of these have a perfectly simple explanation.

Little Red Riding Hood and the Werewolf

     Little Red Riding Hood, as every schoolboy should know, but doesn't, was originally published by Charles Perrault - who, in point of fact, had much better style and flair than the anonymous writers who churn out the story in our modern children's books. But he didn't originate it. As a folk tale, many variations exist in Europe dating back hundreds of years. And it was bowdlerised even by the time he received it. Originally, it would have been a tale about an encounter with a werewolf.
     This should be obvious once you think about it. When Little Red Riding Hood first met the wolf in the forest, how was he able to talk to her? Why wasn't she scared stiff? Why didn't he eat her up then and there? I always used to wonder about this when I was a boy.
     Clearly, she met him in his natural, human form. Once she had told him her story, it set his evil mind at work. He repaired to somewhere private and performed whatever conjurations are necessary to transform into a wolf. (Montague Summers recorded such artifices as girding on an enchanted belt of wolf's fur, and then urinating around his clothes to turn them into a pile of stones until he returned.) As a wolf, he then ran all the way to Grandma's place, much faster than a human child could go, and polished off Grandma. Presumably, he then reverted to his human shape and, naked, crept into Grandma's bed, pulling the bedclothes up to his chin, and wrapping her bonnet tightly around his head as a disguise. When the unsuspecting grandchild said, "What a deep voice you have!" it was his masculine voice which nearly gave him away. When she said, "What big eyes ... big teeth etc you have!" he was busy turning into a wolf again.
    It's pretty simple when you look at it.

Do We All Have a Double Somewhere?

     The Prisoner of Zenda by Anthony Hope (1894) is, of course, the classic novel about a protagonist who closely resembles a stranger. The genre has been done to death; I don't know how many stories I've read or watched with this as the theme. But could it happen in real life? There are people who make a living impersonating celebrities. Mostly, the resemblance is very close, but not perfect. However, one of those doubles, Janet Brown was the splitting image of Margaret Thatcher, so much so that she was able to take part in an elaborate practical joke in which Joan Rivers thought she was meeting the British Prime Minister. Logically, the variety of human facial features is not infinite; duplicates must turn up at times. Do we all have a double somewhere?

What You Didn't Know About Shaving

     There are so many things we just take for granted, but never question: like men shaving themselves. We've always done it, haven't we? Well, at least since we decided we didn't like our beards? Not exactly. In ancient Rome, men didn't shave themselves; they went to the local barber (from barba, a beard), who wielded his razor at a streetside stall while the crowds jostled around. They also went only every second day, which meant that most males sported a five o'clock shadow - something Hollywood never cottoned on to. So why didn't they shave themselves?

Where Do Kids Get These Ideas?

     I suppose it is now time for something not so serious. A few minutes ago I was laughing myself sick revisiting one of the more interesting and humorous websites, I Used to Believe. The brainchild of a webmaster called Mat Connolley, it is a forum where grown-ups can confess the bizarre ideas they had about the world when they were too young to know better. Please, check it out. Once you're there, click on "Best Beliefs". The one I like was the child who believed there were little ant people dressed as peasants in huts in his/her stomach. Then you can go to the strange ideas under the heading, "Common Beliefs".